My Dogs

My poor little Tika has been in the puppy hospital for the weekend because she was throwing up all her food and water and couldn't eat or drink anything. Apparently after a bunch of tests and being hooked up to an iv, they think she had pancreatitis...but they're hoping that's all it was. I would be so sad if it was something else! They think she is going to be ok, so I'm crossing my fingers! My Dad finally brought her home on Monday.

This is the little chunk herself, with me this last Christmas.

This is her and her half sister, Roxy. They were born at the same time and we took they home the same day. They had the same dad, but different mothers. We've had them since I was 14 I think?

Last Fourth of July, while my family was in Utah visiting, Roxy got scared by the fireworks and got out somehow. No one ever found her :(. We never found out what happened to her. Saddest day of my life! She was my puppy!

She was my little skinny girl! Miss her! (That's Tika peeking out in the background)

And this big boy is Kahuna. I'm pretty sure he is 15 now, because we got him when Taylor was about 1. He is the sweetest and most gentle dog ever. He has cancer on his legs :( but he still just prances around and hangs out all day and is still happy to be around. I'll be sad when he's gone.

what if you need love

"It's easier to be alone.

Because what if you learn that you need love, and then you don't have it. What if you like it...and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain?

Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is...death ends. This...it could go on forever."

- Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

*This is from the season finale. I'm still loving it. I'm really missing all my shows right now. That's the one thing I hate about summer.

fall apart

answers

torn

A little frustrated and a little sad tonight. Same old same old. Guess I should learn. Hopefully I'll get it straightened out tomorrow...if not, I guess I have some things to figure out. :( I wish this would just work itself out.

At some point though it gets to the point where there are some things that almost can't be repaired. The damage is just kind of done. There are only so many times...

hoping

"I started to hope. Damn it. For one moment I started to hope."

- Make It or Break It

The Romantics

Just watched this movie and it was so depressing. I hope that I am never in either of these situations.

1. I hope the man I am in love with is never about to marry another woman just because he is trying to be safe, even though he knows he should be with me and knows he loves me.

2. I hope the man that is marrying me isn't really in love with someone else. And that I'm smart enough to realize it and let him go if he is.

This movie is about a group of friends who get together for their friends' wedding. Katie Holmes plays the maid of honor to her best friend, who is marrying her old boyfriend (Josh Duhamel). Obviously if you couldn't tell they're still in love. Also, kicker...she went out with him the day before they got engaged and he didn't tell her. She found out when Anna Paquin (the bride) asks her to be the MOH. Don't worry, I didn't give away the whole story. You find out all of this in the first few minutes. You'll have to watch it to find out the rest. It's a good movie, but so depressing and NOT the right time for me to watch it. Lots of good actors and actresses though.

crying

Maybe crying is a means of cleaning yourself out emotionally. Or maybe it’s your communication of last resort; the only way to express yourself when words fail the same as when you were a baby and had no words.

- Aristotle

don't feel like it

*this is how i felt all weekend*

frustration and an apology

This may not sound like what love is to most people. I don't think this is love either, but it does sound a lot like a relationship. At least this is sort of what I am going through right now.

So I apologize for all of my depressing and pathetic posts lately. My blog has sort of become a place for me to get my frustrations and feelings out, because I feel like then I don't have to burden people with it and if you read my blog you can just skip over the posts that seem boring you or don't want to read :)

Anyway, relationships always start out so happy and fun, but anyone will tell you they take work. I also guarantee there are very few people that say they haven't been through a point in a relationship that actually meant something where they haven't ended up crying themselves to sleep one night and then smiling their faces off the next day. Relationships are hard. They come with making big decisions. They come with happiness and heartbreak. A great relationship makes it through the hard things, but they for sure are not perfect.

I guess I'm at the point where I'm trying to figure out what my relationship is right now. Hopefully it just makes me a stronger person in the end either way.

one day

snow in april...blah

If April showers, bring May flowers, what does April snow bring?

I asked this question on facebook...

best answer:

"swear words, mostly."

What Do You Want

Jerrod Niemann - What Do You Want

Why’d you call me today with nothing new to say? You pretend it’s just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.

Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you tryin’ to bring back the tears or just the memories?
You keep takin’ me back, takin’ me back where I’ve already been.
When we hang up it’s almost like I’m losing you again.
Can’t you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?
…
What do you want me to say? That I’m content? That I’m on the fence? That I wish you would’ve stayed?

Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?
To come here and make love tonight cause you’re feelin’ lonely.
You keep takin’ me back, takin’ me back where I’ve already been.
When we wake up and say goodbye it’s like I’m losing you again.
Can’t you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?
What do you want, what do you want from me?

All I Ask Of You- Phantom of the Opera

So I saw Phantom last week in New York. It was amazing. All three of the main characters were so good. Literally I was dying over the Phantom. I want to hear his voice every day. I want to personally hire him to sing me to sleep. Just so good. When he sang "Music of the Night" I almost died.

But I wanted to post my favorite song. It's really hard to pick one though because I love them all. I've pretty much had this whole play memorized since I was three (you can ask my Mom, they tease me about it), but this was the first time I had seen it. Anyway, this song just gets me every time. Especially in the play when the Phantom chimes in and he's just so sad. Ah it makes me cry. I think this is the saddest love story ever.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do! And if you get the chance to go, go see it! Amazing!

broke

Wreck of the Day

Do you ever have those days or couple of days when everything just feels wrong? Everything just goes wrong...

All I feel like doing is laying in bed and watching movies. It's one of those times that I wish I was angry and I wanted to go to the gym and run, but I just don't really feel like doing anything. I don't feel like going into the details right now, but it just has not been a good past couple of days.

and then to top it off you go to get your favorite snack for lunch and they tell you they don't even sell tamales anymore...and then it starts snowing on the way home and you find out that there is supposed to be a storm for the next few days...it's just icing on the cake. Those things don't matter. But it would have been nice to have that tamale for lunch.

Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And the light's always red in the rear-view

Desperately close to a coffin of hope

I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus

'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love

I'm just falling to pieces

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love

When all my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And it's finally quiet in my head

Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed

And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love